What a Day? Valentine’s Day

My better half is the kind of person who remembers to forget things. If he goes to the market with a grocery list containing 12 items then conveniently he would buy only the first four happily omitting the remaining eight. Even the first four would have a warped destiny. For example, if his grocery list contains 1) bottle of hand wash, 2) car freshener, 3) idli batter and 4) cream biscuits then indisputably his grocery bag would contain 1) bottle of car wash 2)body freshener, 3)fresh cream and 4) instant cookie mix. Now you must be wondering why and how. Very simple, look at the grocery list and grocery bag once again. All the ingredients are present only with tiny-miny jumbled prefixes and suffixes. Poor chap just mixed up a bit and put car in front of wash and body in place of hand (The hand is, after all, a part of our body). Idli batter, who cares!! Remember only the batter and mix and match it with biscuit (cookie). Innovative you see. Once inside the busy market who has time to check the list again and again. The result, I stand open-mouthed with two un-required items in both hands cursing my own judgement.
Unquestionably my birthday, anniversary and Valentine’s Day suffers from the same theory of relativity. Honestly, I do not complain much as I outgrew all these even before puberty hit. I somehow find all these very nyaka nyaka, (I apologise for not finding an English substitute for this quintessential bong word. Dramatic could be a probable alternative. Suggestions from my bong readers are welcome).
Nevertheless, when on Valentine’s Day I saw my man entering with a small stem of rose, I grew not amused but suspicious. My man remembering Valentine’s Day is as absurd as me remembering the periodic table. At once, the song ‘bahon mein chale aao’ started playing in my head and the image of a seductive secretary in a body-hugging micro mini with a rose stick clenched between her red luscious lips and sparkling white teeth sitting on his office table flashed across my mind. I closed my eyes and paused for a moment and concentrated to remember the faces of his real-life office colleagues. My mental search engine could not find any such voluptuous woman but found a hairy short and fat man with a thick moustache which could make Utpal Dutt’s character in Golmaal proud. The paunchy image against my ‘mataharisque’ seductress proved comforting. There was no apparent threat I presumed unless some “Brokeback Mountain” was happening behind the scene.
My man handed the rose as if methi or spinach leaves. There was no bending on his knees or spreading his arms like Shahrukh. His eyes or lips were also not trembling the way it did in my staple Bollywood movies. He didn’t say anything like ‘Senorita, bade bade deshon mein aisi choti choti baatein hoti rahti hain” or “Kkkkkiran tu hain meri Kiran” (replace Kiran with my name, so it becomes Bbbbbb….) rather said that next year he would buy the rose three days in advance and keep it in the refrigerator so that he doesn’t have to pay the price of an entire garden for a single rose. I think I should stay happy with my spinach and methi bouquets.
Bouquets reminds me of a friend of mine and her romantic misadventure. My friend alike me considered Valentine’s Day celebration nyaka nyaka (please excuse once again) so did her then boyfriend now husband. However on one particular V-day he thought otherwise. He asked my friend to wait for him near Golpark Ramkrishna Mission in Kolkata. This place used to be a favourite meeting point during our college days. He waited there with a small bunch of roses neatly tucked behind him. While he was waiting he didn’t notice that a hungry herbivorous four-legged item standing behind him considered this particular bouquet a tasty evening snack. Therefore while he was waiting impatiently the cow was happily munching his bouquet. Finally, when my friend arrived he sat down on his knees and gave her the bouquet. The bouquet was by now reduced to a few stems and half-eaten flowers tied with shiny ribbons. My friend could have thrown a tantrum and walked out angrily but she chose otherwise and this anecdote became an integral part of their love story. Love is not about red roses and Archies card it is about laughing and living together come what may.
Just to save spending on Archies card and red roses my smart brother went for a Valentine day Wedding. While my brother’s marriage was being arranged he declared he would marry on 14th February. He instantly earned the title of ultimate romantic in the family. The older generations frowned and said “ajkal sab Valentine Day niye adikheta, amader samay esab chilona”(these days all these hullabaloos regarding V day. it was not such in our times). Whereas the younger generation swooned and many of them even decided to repeat his act. Thankfully till now, none have repeated or else we would have been attending weddings on every Valentine’s Day.
I was the sceptical one. So far I never thought him so romantic. Unable to contain my curiosity I asked him desperately “Bhai why do you want to get married on 14 Feb?” His curt reply was “to save money, I cannot spend once for Vday and then again for anniversary”. This combo deal should have the tagline “spend for one and celebrate two”
By the way is there any privacy option in WordPress where I can disallow selected individuals from accessing my post. If yes, then I need to use it and block my brother and his wife from reading this post because after reading this forget their own fights, both of them would look for me, my brother for spilling his secret and his wife for obvious reasons. I told you I am bad with secrets!!!
This post was first published here.


24 thoughts on “What a Day? Valentine’s Day

  1. BellyBytes says:

    Balaka I too agree with V day being overhyped and commercialised. But I feel your brother made a major mistake – flowers and restaurant and even airline tickets shoot up during this time so his anniversary/ valentine celebration will always be more expensive than normal 😉 happy valentines to you !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. the bespectacled mother says:

    Did my laughter sounds echoing through my empty home reach your ears, far away in Mumbai? Well I could have also been rolling on the floor laughing and I am glad my neighbours are away at work else they would have rung the bell to know the whys and the whats. Where do I start now? If I will start then this comment will become another mini post or may be a full post. Your husband’s grocery shopping reminded me of my father’s ways and my mother sitting with her palm on her forehead. If your husband’s ability to remember Valentine’s day was same as yours to remember the periodic table, then I would like to point out that you learnt and remembered the periodic table in 9th Std (I suppose) and that must have been the time your husband might have taken Valentine’s Day utter seriously 😀 The reference to the song from the movie Anamika, does it really have to do something about me, something related to me, that I am always on your mind, that you keep checking out my FB profile 😀 😀 😀 (I am again having a ROFL moment). Kahan ho Balaka? UK main zarur milna.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      Ufff..I swear today is a beautiful day..your lovely comment made me so happy that I am grinning ear to ear..and yes, you are there in my mind many a times, and honestly..I thought of you while writing this post..pichle janam ka rishta hoga kuch..I feel connected to you.. and if I am able to make it to UK..you surely owe me a coffee date..


  3. Rajlakshmi says:

    Hahahaha your brother is so smart… I absolutely enjoyed reading this post. Specially the part about roses being eaten. That’s downright hilarious. We are not gift giving kind of couple so that saves both of us. Hope you have a lovely day with your family 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Shirley Corder says:

    We never paid attention to Valentine’s Day until the last 2 years, when my husband suddenly produced a box of chocolates! This year we both exchanged chocolates. By the way ….we’ve been married 50 years!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Maniparna Sengupta Majumder says:

    😀 😀 😀 I remember waiting in front of the Golpark Ramkrishna Mission quite a number of times for the obvious reason. That was our meeting point. However, we don’t have much belief in Valentine’s day. This “mutual disbelief” saved us quite an amount of money. Though, I once tried to seduce my then-boyfriend-now-husband with a nyaka nyaka voice, “sobai golaap dei, tumi-o dite paaro toh” and the prompt reply was, “golaap aar prolaap ek-i” 😦 So, you can imagine the level of realism he had even as a student.

    Absolutely enjoyed the post and laughed all along 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Parul Thakur says:

    Hilarious! What a fun read and I could not stop smiling all through out. The jumbled up list and the vivid description of the rose stem. Btw – smart chap your brother is.
    I am glad Anamika pointed me to this post else I had missed it!

    Liked by 1 person

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