Why Am I Feeling Sad? #MondayMusing

Depression is something all of us are aware of but very few talks about.  Ever since the suicide of Anthony Bourdain, I have been thinking about this a lot.  We are living in an age where all of us are struggling with our own demons. Cases of depression are increasing. Perhaps due to better awareness cases of depression are getting highlighted. However, very few depressed people get help. Often depressed people do not show any signs of depression outwardly but they are fighting within. They may look extremely popular, successful, social yet deep down within they must be crying in pain. The worst is the person doesn’t even know why they are feeling sad. My blogger friend Arjun Gupta@The Knight of Steel is working hard to help depressed people.

On a personal front, since last few days, I am feeling extremely sad and irritable for no apparent reason. I am a person who cannot open up to people easily. I am an emotionally constipated person and it is difficult to discuss my problems with anyone. There are only a couple of people to whom I usually open up. Even though I find talking to people difficult I often find writing them down easier. That is why I am just jotting down the possible reasons that may be making me sad. I came up with the following reasons.

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  1. Death of Anthony Bourdain: For others, he was just a celebrity but for me, he was an inspiration, a person who molded my character for over a decade. Losing him to suicide was a huge jolt for me. I am still in shock and denial.
  2. Post-Holiday Depression: After an amazing vacation in May, spending some amazing time in Shantiniketan, Kurseong, Darjeeling, Gangtok, and Kolkata, getting back to the mundane routine in June is another reason for my sadness
  3. My Cook is on Leave: I know for many this may seem funny but for a lazy bum like me this is life and death crisis. The one thing I absolutely hate is cooking breakfast. And each day when I wake up and think that I will have to go to the kitchen and cook I just feel like going back to sleep again and never wake up again.
  4. Not Chanting: My Buddhist chanting keeps me happy and energetic, however, due to numerous domestic chores I am not chanting properly and that is making me restless.
  5. Missing Yoga: I love to do yoga but now as my maid is absent my entire morning goes in cooking, cleaning and dusting leaving me with no time for yoga and that is a reason why I am cranky and irritable.
  6. Tiredness: My son has suddenly joined a couple of classes and picking and dropping him and then his homework, his projects, cooking, cleaning is leaving me exhausted. I love to do things at my own pace and when I have to hurry up things I freak out a bit.
  7. Financial Stress: Too many expenses suddenly came up this month. Paying fees, insurance bills, credit card bill (Thanks to the luxurious trip) and everything annoyed me a bit. I am also upset because a couple of my payments are getting delayed indefinitely. Brands urge bloggers to work for them on a strict deadline but when it comes to payments they have no deadline and the blogger is simply at their mercy. This irritates me to no end.
  8. No Family Time: All of a sudden we have become a busy family with very less time for each other. Son is busy with his classes, the husband is traveling every week, I am busy doing household chores and my work. I miss sitting and eating together, going out together. I actually told my husband that if we carry on like this soon we would become dysfunctional. He agreed but modern life is such that spending quality time or couple time becomes impossible at times. Sigh!!
  9. Blog Getting Neglected: I am not being able to devote time to my blog. I feel extremely upset when I do not get to blog. I find writing therapeutic and when I stay away from writing I get depressed.
  10. Hormonal: I also believe that part of my sadness is hormonal. I am in a pre-menopausal bracket where having mood swings is common. There are days I feel extremely happy while there are days I feel like going and living under a stone, away from everyone.

Last but not the least there is not a single day when I do not miss my parents. I also miss my friends who are close to me yet live far away. There are days when I just want to talk to them but time differences, work schedule etc doesn’t permit and we do not get to talk for days. This time I am also missing my extended family whom I left behind in Kolkata. I am missing the fun-filled evenings in Kolkata with cousins.

I am actually feeling much better after jotting down the ‘supposed’ reasons. Hope I feel better in coming days. Do let me know how are you feeling? If you ever feel sad or depressed, please do not neglect and immediately reach out for help. Someone somewhere is definitely there to listen to you.

 

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Linking this post to #MondayMusings hosted by dear Corinne.

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33 thoughts on “Why Am I Feeling Sad? #MondayMusing

  1. knightofsteel says:

    Hey Halaka, you don’t need to feel guilty about why you are feeling sad. You already have such a busy schedule and any change to that would be upsetting. It’s a brave step to acknowledge the sadness you are feeling as well. The next step would be to formulate ways to tackle this sadness. If you need my help with that, I would be glad to help anytime you need.

    It will take effort but it will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Arpita says:

    No reason is small enough for sadness. In fact, doing mundane, repetitive work (either household chores or at work) often is a leading cause for depression. While I find cooking therapeutic, doing dishes is what gets me. And over the weekends when I cook multiple meals, the dishes just seem to pile up magically.

    I could suggest one thing that you could do for breakfast: opt for no-cooking-required breakfast choices. For example, I know I can’t cook two meals in the span of the few hours (breakfast and lunch), so I usually have yogurt, fruits and other quick-to-eat, but healthy alternatives for breakfast. You could try some salads as well. Maybe, this might be not too effective in a family setting (I am unmarried and live alone), but you could do this at least couple of times in a week.

    About most of the other things, probably you can’t do much. But fortunately, these phases pass. You’ll probably get your payments soon. All the best and keep fighting! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ashwini CN says:

    You know what, all of us go through low moments every now and then. Sometimes things get too overwhelming and too much to handle at once. It’s easy to say, calm down, but no one can understand how it feels in your shoes. Things will be fine gradually and appreciate everything you did last month – with the holiday and then take it one at a time, you’ll be fine!

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. arv! says:

    There are many people who find talking and discussing difficult. Writing a letter, or a blog certainly comes to a rescue. You are not alone. Follow whatever works for you. Hope you will feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Parul Thakur says:

    Oh no! Hugs and sending some positive vibes your way.
    How about playing some Buddhist chants on phone whule you cook? Have you tried the MTR ready to eat breakfast range? That’s quick and easy? Maybe some days you can go with cereals and milk? I can understand that yoga is hard but what about 5 surya namaskars at 5 in the evening? I know I’m solutionizing it but let’s face it. Problems need a solution. Take care and keep writing to us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      I love the solutions… honestly speaking I never expected such positive and encouraging response to my rants… reading all these comments am already feeling happy and enthusiastic. Thank you so much…I do think that your solutions are awesome…Will surely feel better once I follow them💓💓💓

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ramya says:

    I can understand. More domestic chores, less family time and routine schedule depresses us. I wish your cook returns from leave soon 🙂 till then, as you said, writing is therapeutic.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rajlakshmi says:

    Don’t be so sad 😦 I hope it’s just a phase. It’s actually really good you know the causes behind your sadness… That would help you to understand your mood and what would make you happy . Very mature way to handle these mood swings. For someone who doesn’t like cooking breakfast as well, I understand that doing the same chore every single day can be so overpowering.
    Brands really need to be professional about their payment. It’s sad that they still donot take content writers seriously.
    Take care.❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      Thank you so much Raj for being supportive. After writing this post I received so many comments from my fellow bloggers that I am actually feeling blessed and happy 🙂
      Few brands are so unprofessional that they really deserve a spank.

      Like

  8. Obsessivemom says:

    Oh I want to reach out a hug you Balaka. I completely get you. It’s a bit of a relief to see so many things on your list that stress me out too. Somedays seemingly inconsequential things get us down. And you’re not a lazy bum for feeling sad your cook/maid hasn’t turned up. Happens to me too. It upsets our day, doesn’t it? Somedays even the news in the papers gets me down.
    I do hope you’ve begun your yoga and chanting. Exercise also helps. Feel better soon and give us a happy post. Hugs again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      Awww!! Tulika thank you so much for this hug, I needed it badly. Even I get depressed after reading news paper. That is the reason why I have stopped reading them in the morning. I usually read them late afternoon or evening. I won’t be able to start my yoga classes till my maid is back however I am chanting. Hugs to you dear for being such a sweetheart.

      Like

  9. the bespectacled mother says:

    Ye lo hum dono to ek ki boat main sawaar the.
    I hear you with all your points, many of them are identical to mine. I have begun to feel the absurdity of the statement ‘This too shall pass’. I feel nothing passes for long, there is only a twist. There will always be this or that. There will always be sadness and we will be there all alone to deal with it. Some will deal with it with writing, some with crying, some others will develop angst which is the most destructive force. Angst eats up the mind and body both. I have seen my mother living with angst for a major part of her life, which ate her up from inside with stomach ulcers. I am happy she is much at peace in her old age but she still has to deal with all the damage that happened to her in her youth. I don’t know if I am making sense to you or giving any remedy or healing for your sadness. I hope writing this down on the blog, interacting with other bloggers proved helpful to you. I want to say if you feel like letting out your emotions, I am here to listen. Don’t ever think about it twice. This is what close friends are for. Listening, never judging.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      I am so happy that I wrote it down.. because so many of them reached out to help me..I guess this is the joy of blogging… When I read your post my reaction was the same..that both of us were going through the same phase at the same time…ye ek aur similarity mil Gaya Na😃😃😃😃

      Like

  10. Esha M Dutta says:

    Hugs, my dear! I can feel you…I hope you feel better soon and this post actually helps you feel lighter as you say it does. It is very hard for me to give you solutions at this point as I grapple with my own crises. Some days are tougher than others. Some days, breathing in and out also feels strained. Just a little suggestion of mine: Please do some deep breathing every morning before you head over to the kitchen. Like for ten minutes only, with your eyes closed. Put music on while you cook. Finish all your chores by a certain time and then take a break. Even if the chores are not finished, get some rest and recharge yourself and remember the family will be back together again soon, to spend time doing fun things. Stay assured that mama and mami always watch over you! Mon kharap korish na ….Bhalo thakish Tina ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      I am really worried about you Di…hope to talk to you soon..you are always in my prayers and i pray that you get past your crisis soon…love and hugs Mituldi..you know how much I love you💓💓💓💓

      Like

  11. BellyBytes says:

    Is it the greyness and wetness that is getting you down? I had a similar bout of sadness precipitated by some unexpected upheavals in my personal relationships but thanks to the support of my Write Tribe friends, the worst seems to be over.
    Depression is not like a switch that can be put on and off and constant positivity helps in keeping it at bay. We all eventually find our own solutions to deal with our own demons.

    Keep smiling Balaka

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      Even I got support from fellow write tribers and that helped me a lot. I am happy to know that you are feeling better…do keep in touch..I am only a call away and would be happy to cheer you up. Love and hugs…stay strong💓💓💓

      Like

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