Depression is something all of us are aware of but very few talks about. Ever since the suicide of Anthony Bourdain, I have been thinking about this a lot. We are living in an age where all of us are struggling with our own demons. Cases of depression are increasing. Perhaps due to better awareness cases of depression are getting highlighted. However, very few depressed people get help. Often depressed people do not show any signs of depression outwardly but they are fighting within. They may look extremely popular, successful, social yet deep down within they must be crying in pain. The worst is the person doesn’t even know why they are feeling sad. My blogger friend Arjun Gupta@The Knight of Steel is working hard to help depressed people.
On a personal front, since last few days, I am feeling extremely sad and irritable for no apparent reason. I am a person who cannot open up to people easily. I am an emotionally constipated person and it is difficult to discuss my problems with anyone. There are only a couple of people to whom I usually open up. Even though I find talking to people difficult I often find writing them down easier. That is why I am just jotting down the possible reasons that may be making me sad. I came up with the following reasons.
- Death of Anthony Bourdain: For others, he was just a celebrity but for me, he was an inspiration, a person who molded my character for over a decade. Losing him to suicide was a huge jolt for me. I am still in shock and denial.
- Post-Holiday Depression: After an amazing vacation in May, spending some amazing time in Shantiniketan, Kurseong, Darjeeling, Gangtok, and Kolkata, getting back to the mundane routine in June is another reason for my sadness
- My Cook is on Leave: I know for many this may seem funny but for a lazy bum like me this is life and death crisis. The one thing I absolutely hate is cooking breakfast. And each day when I wake up and think that I will have to go to the kitchen and cook I just feel like going back to sleep again and never wake up again.
- Not Chanting: My Buddhist chanting keeps me happy and energetic, however, due to numerous domestic chores I am not chanting properly and that is making me restless.
- Missing Yoga: I love to do yoga but now as my maid is absent my entire morning goes in cooking, cleaning and dusting leaving me with no time for yoga and that is a reason why I am cranky and irritable.
- Tiredness: My son has suddenly joined a couple of classes and picking and dropping him and then his homework, his projects, cooking, cleaning is leaving me exhausted. I love to do things at my own pace and when I have to hurry up things I freak out a bit.
- Financial Stress: Too many expenses suddenly came up this month. Paying fees, insurance bills, credit card bill (Thanks to the luxurious trip) and everything annoyed me a bit. I am also upset because a couple of my payments are getting delayed indefinitely. Brands urge bloggers to work for them on a strict deadline but when it comes to payments they have no deadline and the blogger is simply at their mercy. This irritates me to no end.
- No Family Time: All of a sudden we have become a busy family with very less time for each other. Son is busy with his classes, the husband is traveling every week, I am busy doing household chores and my work. I miss sitting and eating together, going out together. I actually told my husband that if we carry on like this soon we would become dysfunctional. He agreed but modern life is such that spending quality time or couple time becomes impossible at times. Sigh!!
- Blog Getting Neglected: I am not being able to devote time to my blog. I feel extremely upset when I do not get to blog. I find writing therapeutic and when I stay away from writing I get depressed.
- Hormonal: I also believe that part of my sadness is hormonal. I am in a pre-menopausal bracket where having mood swings is common. There are days I feel extremely happy while there are days I feel like going and living under a stone, away from everyone.
Last but not the least there is not a single day when I do not miss my parents. I also miss my friends who are close to me yet live far away. There are days when I just want to talk to them but time differences, work schedule etc doesn’t permit and we do not get to talk for days. This time I am also missing my extended family whom I left behind in Kolkata. I am missing the fun-filled evenings in Kolkata with cousins.
I am actually feeling much better after jotting down the ‘supposed’ reasons. Hope I feel better in coming days. Do let me know how are you feeling? If you ever feel sad or depressed, please do not neglect and immediately reach out for help. Someone somewhere is definitely there to listen to you.