“Hello,” said the voice on the phone. “My name is RaGa. I know you never expected a call from me, as famous as I am, but I’ve been given your name as someone who can help me in writing my speeches.”
It took me few seconds to understand who the caller was. For a moment, I even thought it was a prank played by my friends. I tried to carefully listen to his voice and match it to what I hear on television and then I asked him “Who gave you my number? And how did you come to know about me?”
The voice replied, “One of my assistants is a regular reader of your blog and he feels you are a good writer who can help me in writing meaningful speeches.”
I was feeling curious and I continued asking “But who gave you my number?”
He replied, “You need not worry about that, I have men to do these jobs.”
I asked, “What do you want me to do exactly now?”
He replied, his voice almost pleading “Please write a good speech where I will have no scope of a goof-up. Media is already calling me the Prince of Goof-up and I am tired of hearing that.”
I could hear a soft sob and then he continued “I am an innocent man, there was a time when women used to find me cute and eligible but now they laugh at me. I am 48 years and still unmarried. The other day my grandmother came in my dreams and scolded me for being a nikamma. She scolded me for not bringing a descendant to this world. She is scared that I am going to be the Bahadur Shah Zafar of our dynasty.” His sobbing became louder.
I felt pity, he looks innocent, his face resembles the face of a toddler whose Mom just dropped him at the playschool. I asked in a consoling tone “Okay, I will write a speech for you. What is the topic on which you want me to write?”
I could feel he was almost jumping in excitement. He said “I have to give a speech at an awards ceremony of an IT conglomerate. Please write a speech on how Steve Jobs founded Microsoft. I want to impress and inspire the IT guys.”
I said, “beg your pardon. Who founded what?” there were disbelief and exasperation in my voice.
He repeated, “How Steve Jobs founded Microsoft.”
I said, “Steve Jobs founded Apple.” My voice resembled that of an angry teacher rebuking her dumb student.
He continued “No, Apple was founded by Newton. I read it in school. Newton was sitting under the tree and an apple fell on his head….”His voice was sounding proud and confident as that student who gets one sum correct after a series of mistakes.
I stopped him midway.
I said “Mr RaGa, I would have loved to write a speech for you, but unfortunately I think I am the wrong person to do this job. You can get in touch with my fellow blogger friend Anamika Agnihotri, she can write you a speech. She recently tumbled out her secret that she is an alien and I think only an alien with a quirky sense of humour can write a speech for you. Please get in touch with her. Good night.”