“Hello,” said the voice on the phone. “My name is RaGa. I know you never expected a call from me, as famous as I am, but I’ve been given your name as someone who can help me in writing my speeches.”
It took me few seconds to understand who the caller was. For a moment, I even thought it was a prank played by my friends. I tried to carefully listen to his voice and match it to what I hear on television and then I asked him “Who gave you my number? And how did you come to know about me?”
The voice replied, “One of my assistants is a regular reader of your blog and he feels you are a good writer who can help me in writing meaningful speeches.”
I was feeling curious and I continued asking “But who gave you my number?”
He replied, “You need not worry about that, I have men to do these jobs.”
I asked, “What do you want me to do exactly now?”
He replied, his voice almost pleading “Please write a good speech where I will have no scope of a goof-up. Media is already calling me the Prince of Goof-up and I am tired of hearing that.”
I could hear a soft sob and then he continued “I am an innocent man, there was a time when women used to find me cute and eligible but now they laugh at me. I am 48 years and still unmarried. The other day my grandmother came in my dreams and scolded me for being a nikamma. She scolded me for not bringing a descendant to this world. She is scared that I am going to be the Bahadur Shah Zafar of our dynasty.” His sobbing became louder.
I felt pity, he looks innocent, his face resembles the face of a toddler whose Mom just dropped him at the playschool. I asked in a consoling tone “Okay, I will write a speech for you. What is the topic on which you want me to write?”
I could feel he was almost jumping in excitement. He said “I have to give a speech at an awards ceremony of an IT conglomerate. Please write a speech on how Steve Jobs founded Microsoft. I want to impress and inspire the IT guys.”
I said, “beg your pardon. Who founded what?” there were disbelief and exasperation in my voice.
He repeated, “How Steve Jobs founded Microsoft.”
I said, “Steve Jobs founded Apple.” My voice resembled that of an angry teacher rebuking her dumb student.
He continued “No, Apple was founded by Newton. I read it in school. Newton was sitting under the tree and an apple fell on his head….”His voice was sounding proud and confident as that student who gets one sum correct after a series of mistakes.
I stopped him midway.
I said “Mr RaGa, I would have loved to write a speech for you, but unfortunately I think I am the wrong person to do this job. You can get in touch with my fellow blogger friend Anamika Agnihotri, she can write you a speech. She recently tumbled out her secret that she is an alien and I think only an alien with a quirky sense of humour can write a speech for you. Please get in touch with her. Good night.”
The reference to Bahadur Shah Zafar made me burst out laughing. I mean who could have thought 2 ruling dynasties, centuries apart will have such a similarity. Thank you for recommending me to RaGa 😄 But, seriously? I writing speech for him 🤔
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Bichare pe Reham kha…ek speech likh de usko…bechara ro Ro k Mumbai mein barish Kar diya
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You have to write the speech Anamika. I second Balaka in this.
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Delightful! Truly delightful. I enjoyed every minute of this post. Thanks for making me smile early in the morning
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Laughed all the way to the end. Just what I needed in the morning to ensure a good day. Brilliant piece of writing, balaka. The inference of bahadur Shah zafar was extraordinary. Hope no one gets a call from raga in this life at least.
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I am happy to hear that this silly post made your morning good 😂😂
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It’s not at all silly.
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It certainly did. I wrote a post on this prompt using George Clooney but didn’t publish it as I was not sure. Now reading yours, feel I should have posted it. 🙂
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Ha ha ha..post it after the challenge.
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Will definitely do!
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Haha.. wonderful! I could totally picture Raga calling you. Super! Very entertaining.
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Thanks Priya
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I had such a good laugh!! Thanks for brightening my day
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Thank you Meena
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You had me in splits, Tina. It was so funny to imagine RaGa and you chatting! I think RaGa somehow brings it upon himself, doesn’t he? So many jokes doing the rounds on the net every day. But when you compared him to Bahadur Shah Zafar, I actually thought, well, the latter was at least a well-known Urdu poet, who left behind a beautiful body of work in his poetry, what will RaGa leave behind as his legacy???
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RaGa will leave behind jokes and innumerable memes😂😂😂
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Ja bolechish 😂😂😂
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This is why I love Write Tribe Challenges. You are just awesome Balaka. I always want to come back to Trina Looks Back.
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If I give out a ‘Best Reader of my Blog” award..I will give it to you..
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That’s so sweet . I would receive that with pride. I love your work. Genuinely. I like to receive your posts in my mailbox. Looking forward more such master pieces from you.
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Love and hugs
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Oh my God, how good was this! Super brilliant Balaka 🙂 I am becoming a fan now
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Thanks Rashmi..and I am blushing reading your comment.
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Witty and spontaneous. Read a blog post of yours after quite some time and loved it.
Just another thought. I wonder what would have happened if you wrote something such witty and humorous (in a different line, of course) about NaMo.
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I do not want to get Trolled by Bhakts..wouldn’t dare to write anything. Btw you will live 100 years because just yesterday I was talking to a blogger friend who is working on a book on Bengal and I told her about you. What a coincidence, her I meet you after ages. Where have you been? I have not read any post from you maybe in last one year or more.
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I am still laughing. I genuinely enjoy your write ups Balaka. I’m yet to begin writing mine for today but this conversation has made me so happy that I have decided to read few more posts on your blog now.
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Thanks Sonia…btw.. Amitabh Da commented on my post..you can track back to his blog.. remember I told you about him yesterday
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Yes, I remember. Just checked his blog. It is amazing – specially the Durga Puja related posts. Will be following his work. Thanks for letting me know.
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Start writing as well..focus on your niche…I think you will do amazing work
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Laughed all the way to the end. how witty. haha haha
awesome.
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Thank you so much
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My Pleasure 🙂
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I enjoyed this one and loved the ending. A nice light hearted post that made me laugh.
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Thanks Suzy..I am glad you liked it
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😂😂😂😂🙃🙃🙃
Is bechaare par kisi ko bhi daya nahi aati. What made you think of him! I burst out laughing . I am sending it to my husband. I am sure he will have a hearty laugh. Your imagination is out of this world. Trina looks back but I look forward to you. Loved it
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I loved it when you said Trina looks back but you look forward…is bichare par mujhe taras aata hai..par Kya karoon..yeh thik bhi nahi hota..Kuch na kuch ulta Kar deta hai..
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Ab to I will request you ki please is ki speech likh do aur is ko batao ki aloo trees par nahi ugte😜😷😂😂😉
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Aur coca cola shikanji nahi hai😂😂😂
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😂😂😂
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😀 😀
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Died laughing Balaka! What will happen with Anamika remains to be seen… most probably she will pass on the baton to some one else!!!
Hahaha…
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She is not even ready to take the baton in the first place😁 poor RaGa..
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Ha ha.. had good laugh 🙂
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I laughed my way off to the conclusion. It is completely so relatable and imaginable. Wonderful!
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Thank you
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ROFL…cant stop laughing Balaka 🙂
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Bwahhaaha! One of the funniest things I’ve ever read, Balaka. I know some jokes are in circulation, but the whole thing is tied together in one fantastic piece of imagination. 😀
PS: As if he could become Bahadur Shah Zafar. Pfft! :p
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Varad, am glad that you found it hilarious😁
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OMG!! Balaka, I am still laughing commenting here. Best post I have read lately. Speech for RaGa and all those goof-ups. Love the way you have quipped up your responses. Hey Bhagwan!!
Poor Anamika, you have very smartly shoved the canon towards her 😉
Lovely & super humorous.
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Thank you so much😁😁
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Pleasure is all mine. I am high spirited on mood post reading the RaGa saga.
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That is really good…i am happy to have been able to raise your spirits😁😁😁
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This is the best blogpost i have read in a long, long time! So witty, Balaka! Your post cheered me up! Passing on the baton to Anamika, now that was excellent!:)))
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Thanks a ton, Mayuri. It really means a lot.
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Ha! Very fun!!
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Had a nice chuckle. But also felt sorry for the poor guy.
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Thanks dear… don’t know why this comment went into spam folder
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Ha ha ha.. you should have helped out the poor chap. I always end up feeling sorry for him. What with his foot in the mouth syndrome he does need a good speech writer.
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Next time I get a call from him I will give him your number…I am incompetent to write a speech for him😂
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This was so funny, Balaka. That’s some call you got! At least you sent him to Anamika, that was a right call. 🙂
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Thanks Vinitha😁
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Hilarious. Loved every word. Quite imaginative I should say
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Hahaha! What a fun and witty satire. Good one, Balaka!
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Ha ha ha ha really wonderful
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Quite hilarious. Nice knowing that you allow aliens among your friends. I am an alien too. 😀
Regards, SLSM.
https://stilllovedstillmissed.wordpress.com/
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“Apple was founded by Newton” you can’t argue with that. That’s what I call skills…
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