A Phone Call from RG #WTFOW2018

“Hello,” said the voice on the phone. “My name is RaGa. I know you never expected a call from me, as famous as I am, but I’ve been given your name as someone who can help me in writing my speeches.”

It took me few seconds to understand who the caller was. For a moment, I even thought it was a prank played by my friends. I tried to carefully listen to his voice and match it to what I hear on television and then I asked him “Who gave you my number? And how did you come to know about me?”

The voice replied, “One of my assistants is a regular reader of your blog and he feels you are a good writer who can help me in writing meaningful speeches.”

I was feeling curious and I continued asking “But who gave you my number?”

He replied, “You need not worry about that, I have men to do these jobs.”

I asked, “What do you want me to do exactly now?”

He replied, his voice almost pleading “Please write a good speech where I will have no scope of a goof-up. Media is already calling me the Prince of Goof-up and I am tired of hearing that.”

I could hear a soft sob and then he continued “I am an innocent man, there was a time when women used to find me cute and eligible but now they laugh at me. I am 48 years and still unmarried. The other day my grandmother came in my dreams and scolded me for being a nikamma. She scolded me for not bringing a descendant to this world. She is scared that I am going to be the Bahadur Shah Zafar of our dynasty.” His sobbing became louder.

I felt pity, he looks innocent, his face resembles the face of a toddler whose Mom just dropped him at the playschool. I asked in a consoling tone “Okay, I will write a speech for you. What is the topic on which you want me to write?”

I could feel he was almost jumping in excitement. He said “I have to give a speech at an awards ceremony of an IT conglomerate. Please write a speech on how Steve Jobs founded Microsoft. I want to impress and inspire the IT guys.”

I said, “beg your pardon. Who founded what?” there were disbelief and exasperation in my voice.

He repeated, “How Steve Jobs founded Microsoft.”

I said, “Steve Jobs founded Apple.” My voice resembled that of an angry teacher rebuking her dumb student.

He continued “No, Apple was founded by Newton. I read it in school. Newton was sitting under the tree and an apple fell on his head….”His voice was sounding proud and confident as that student who gets one sum correct after a series of mistakes.

I stopped him midway.

I said “Mr RaGa, I would have loved to write a speech for you, but unfortunately I think I am the wrong person to do this job. You can get in touch with my fellow blogger friend Anamika Agnihotri, she can write you a speech. She recently tumbled out her secret that she is an alien and I think only an alien with a quirky sense of humour can write a speech for you. Please get in touch with her. Good night.”


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68 thoughts on “A Phone Call from RG #WTFOW2018”

  1. the bespectacled mother says:
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    The reference to Bahadur Shah Zafar made me burst out laughing. I mean who could have thought 2 ruling dynasties, centuries apart will have such a similarity. Thank you for recommending me to RaGa 😄 But, seriously? I writing speech for him 🤔

    Liked by 3 people

  3. mammaspeaks says:
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    Laughed all the way to the end. Just what I needed in the morning to ensure a good day. Brilliant piece of writing, balaka. The inference of bahadur Shah zafar was extraordinary. Hope no one gets a call from raga in this life at least.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Esha M Dutta says:
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    You had me in splits, Tina. It was so funny to imagine RaGa and you chatting! I think RaGa somehow brings it upon himself, doesn’t he? So many jokes doing the rounds on the net every day. But when you compared him to Bahadur Shah Zafar, I actually thought, well, the latter was at least a well-known Urdu poet, who left behind a beautiful body of work in his poetry, what will RaGa leave behind as his legacy???

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Amitabha Gupta says:
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    Witty and spontaneous. Read a blog post of yours after quite some time and loved it.

    Just another thought. I wonder what would have happened if you wrote something such witty and humorous (in a different line, of course) about NaMo.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Balaka says:
      Reply

      I do not want to get Trolled by Bhakts..wouldn’t dare to write anything. Btw you will live 100 years because just yesterday I was talking to a blogger friend who is working on a book on Bengal and I told her about you. What a coincidence, her I meet you after ages. Where have you been? I have not read any post from you maybe in last one year or more.

      Like

  13. vidhiduggal says:
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    😂😂😂😂🙃🙃🙃
    Is bechaare par kisi ko bhi daya nahi aati. What made you think of him! I burst out laughing . I am sending it to my husband. I am sure he will have a hearty laugh. Your imagination is out of this world. Trina looks back but I look forward to you. Loved it

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Anonymous says:
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    Died laughing Balaka! What will happen with Anamika remains to be seen… most probably she will pass on the baton to some one else!!!
    Hahaha…

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Varad says:
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    Bwahhaaha! One of the funniest things I’ve ever read, Balaka. I know some jokes are in circulation, but the whole thing is tied together in one fantastic piece of imagination. 😀

    PS: As if he could become Bahadur Shah Zafar. Pfft! :p

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Gleefulblogger says:
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    OMG!! Balaka, I am still laughing commenting here. Best post I have read lately. Speech for RaGa and all those goof-ups. Love the way you have quipped up your responses. Hey Bhagwan!!
    Poor Anamika, you have very smartly shoved the canon towards her 😉
    Lovely & super humorous.

    Liked by 2 people

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  26. Obsessivemom says:
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    Ha ha ha.. you should have helped out the poor chap. I always end up feeling sorry for him. What with his foot in the mouth syndrome he does need a good speech writer.

    Liked by 2 people

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