The Art of a Broken Heart- #20DayChallenge

“Take your broken heart and turn it into art.”– Meryl Streep

 

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My heart is broken, the scars are all over and they have created a mosaic. At times, I feel confused because all the scars and bruises demand my attention and I do not know whom to attend first. Should I attend the scars from childhood or the recent ones? The scars are entangled and often overlapping each other. Some are bleeding fresh scarlet blood others have maroon dried blood engulfing the bruise. The zig-zag pattern looks like a beautiful piece of art. Only if I could frame it somewhere on the walls of an art museum as a fresco.

We often read that we should learn to forget the past, live in the moment, be mindful, blah! blah!blah! but those of us feel the pain know how difficult it is to forget every scar, every pain, every heartbreak. Each time the heart breaks a part of us dies and it is quite difficult to revive that dead part of the soul.

I have a doctor friend who is a pain and palliative care specialist. Last week I met him for some work and we were discussing pain. We were mainly talking about physical pain but during the course of the discussion, we started talking about mental pain and trauma. And he said that pain has its own memory. Just like computer software has a memory of its own and remembers everything, similarly, pain has a software. When we think of a painful event it gets remembered and the older the memory the more engraved it gets in our system. The interesting fact is when we recollect a painful memory we are actually referring to the last time we thought about it. Therefore painful incidences keep revolving in our system and for few of us until we suffer complete memory loss the painful memories are not going to go away.

Recently, I read a post by one of my favorite bloggers and a dear friend Shilpa Gupte from Metanoia where she asked ‘why don’t we share our imperfect moments?’ I agree that we never share our imperfections because we are scared to bare our wounds to the whole world. We are scared of being judged by others and most importantly we feel inferior to the ‘happy’ people with our ‘sadness’. There was a time when I was afraid to attend family weddings. I used to see my cousins with their parents, siblings, husband, and kids wearing the finest of costumes and jewelry and laughing their heart out while I used to sit alone in a corner brooding in my pain of being a motherless child. While my cousin’s had their mothers to dress them up, I had no one even to comb my hair.

If you are an orphan or a divorcee or a widow/widower or childless (not by choice) or if you have a physical disability or survived a traumatic incidence then weddings and social media are the worst places for you.  These are the places that will point the finger towards your pain and make you feel more vulnerable. If you are grieving the loss of a mother then you will definitely come across friends posting photos of enjoying Switzerland with their Moms. Right after a miscarriage, you will find your timeline crowded with baby shower pictures of your friends. Right after a financial crisis, you will see friends splurging money, exactly after divorce your best friend will post a romantic picture. There is definitely some kind of Murphy’s law in action in these cases.  I agree it is not good to compare your life with others but let me be honest when you are bleeding within at that time the happiness of others does make you feel worse. This is human nature. I often feel that few of my ‘happy’ friends do take sadistic pleasure in torturing the less fortunate with their ‘happy’ pictures.

There was a time in history when people who failed in life were punished. Those who lost money in a business were paraded naked on the streets, if a woman lost her family in cholera or plague she was termed a witch and killed, widows were put on the pyre of dead husbands, childless women were considered bad omen, and a rape victim even today is blamed for the rape. We have a history of criminalizing the unfortunate and punishing them. And I believe even in this modern age of smartphone and iPhone nothing has changed. Even today those who are less fortunate are considered outcast and the center belongs only to ‘happy’ people.

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Linking this post to #MondayMusings hosted by dear Corinne.

 

20 thoughts on “The Art of a Broken Heart- #20DayChallenge

  1. Anshu Bhojnagarwala says:

    Balaka, that’s a very deep and dark post. I have experienced loss of a baby and I can’t tell you how painful that episode was and how bitter I had become, as if the whole world wanted to hurt me, while it was not the case. The pain and the humiliation were in my heart. I agree with you on Murphy’s Law but remember, the best art comes from broken hearts. So as you said, let’s turn the broken heart into a work of art like so many others before us have done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Balaka says:

      I agree this is a dark post but at times it is good to tread in darkness, it helps you come face to face with your vulnerabilities. Pain is often your best teacher and as you rightly said the best art comes from broken hearts. Thanks for reading Anshu and I am so sorry for your rainbow baby.

      Like

  2. nightwisprav3n says:

    This is such a thought provoking post! I hadn’t thought of it before but I do believe that Murphy’s Law does apply here and I also agree that the world does seem to take pleasure in kicking you when you’re already down. Why is that? And making outcasts even in today’s world where we are supposed to be more evolved than our ancestors, or even our grandparents, seems that history keeps repeating itself in one form or another. Thank you for sharing this! #mixitup

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lata Sunil says:

    Balaka, so true. It is the one dreaded question that you are asked everytime you meet someone. And soon we start avoiding meeting people. I believe it is ok to be sad, but be with people who love you, and do not judge you. Of course, getting off that social media is the best thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. BellyBytes says:

    I believe that life is defined by opposites . The darkness determines what is bright or light . Our past is there to haunt us and remind us that we can make the same mistake again . We need that mosaic of a broken heart because each piece is part of our unique story ? Don’t you think? Hope you get out of that blue mood ….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kalpana Manivannan says:

    Balaka, a big hug to you first. I completely understand how difficult it is to bare your heart to the world and how difficult it must have been for you to write this. I had myself gathered the courage to write about some negative emotions in my very recent post on gratitude and believe me it helps. It helps to bare your heart and it helps to heal and move on. I remember Shilpa’s post too and how important it is for us to show our vulnerable side…we can’t always put up a brave face for the world, can we? By being vulnerable, we are helping others become more open and make it easier for others to be vulnerable too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. the bespectacled mother says:

    The scars and the mental pain. The wounds may dry, the hurt may be forgotten but the remnants get left behind in the form of engravings. We might not even realise but each time, howsoever fewer times, whenever the painful incident comes to the mind, the engravings get fed. With so much space in our mind permanently occupied this way, it is no wonder our minds/my mind has lesser capacity to deal with difficulties (difficult people in my case or people different from me). Just the understanding that I need solitude most of the time, all the time, is not going to be helpful in the long run. The need is to free up the terrabytes of engraved and outdated space in the subconscious mind so that the processer works efficiently. But how? Past life regression?

    Like

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