I went through a psychological low phase from June through August. In fact, August was the worst. My regular readers must have noticed that my posts were reflecting deep dark thoughts. Those who have ever suffered from obsessive-compulsive thoughts would know how difficult life gets when you are unable to control your own thoughts. I was trying hard to come out of the deep dark tunnel of negativity but spiraling back to it.
However, at the beginning of September, I made a promise to myself that I would try to be happy. The first thing that I did was eliminated all the triggers that were causing me discomfort. As I wrote in my previous post I eliminated all the people and other factors that were making me restless. I realized that social media was a huge trigger thus I uninstalled all social media apps from my mobile. I think this was the best thing that I did for myself in a very long time.
No Social Media: Staying away from social media gave me more time to do a lot of productive things. Few of the things that I did are as follows.
#20DayChallenge: To motivate myself I took up a self-designed 20-day challenge. I wrote 14 posts during the challenge and writing regularly obviously gave my blog’s traffic a boost.
Exercise and Yoga: In September, I made ‘myself’ a priority and started working on myself. In the months of depression, I had not taken care of myself and had put on weight. I started doing brisk walking along with yoga and already feeling quite light.
Redesigned my house: I made a few small changes to my home. I bought a few new lamps and fairy lights and decorated the altar. I feel happy when my home looks good.
Italian: I am learning Italian. Learning a new language is always fun and exciting. I had earlier learned Spanish and always wanted to learn Italian. Soon, I wish to write a post in Italian. 😛
Started Singing: I started singing after ages. I recorded quite a few songs using an app and am really happy about it. I also recorded a duet with my cousin. It felt great singing my heart out.
Movies: September was a month of movies. I watched a number of movies. Read my post on movie marathon to know about the movies that I watched.
Took an Exam: I took an exam after ages. I am a practicing Buddhist and I am glad that irrespective of my mental condition I was able to study and sit for the entry level exam. I answered all the answers and hope to get good grades. However, grades do not matter.
I am grateful for few people who helped me tide through difficult times.
My fellow Bloggers: I am blessed to have friends in the blogging world who understood my pain and helped and supported me. I would especially like to thank Anamika and Shilpa for being such amazing friends who stood by me and understood every bit of my pain. Esha is my sister from another mother and in my moment of crisis, she stood by me like a pillar of support. This crisis brought me closer to these amazing people.
My Therapist: I have been depressed before. I have been through a severe post-partum depression also, however, this time the nature of depression was different. This time I was not crying but obsessively thinking the same thing over and over in a loop. I tried every method possible to distract myself, however, those thoughts stubbornly stayed. Eventually, I decided to take help from a therapist. Thank God I went to her. She helped me deal with those thoughts in an extremely different way. She asked me to give shape and colors to those thoughts. I started drawing and it did help me immensely. She also asked me to write down my thoughts and just keep writing. I took the #20DayChallenge and wrote a lot in September. Once my thoughts were put to paper I started feeling better.
Work was Good: Even though emotionally I was down yet workwise I did some great job. Septemeber started with a convention and the speech that I delivered there was appreciated by patient advocates all over the world. It felt great when one of the pioneers of patient advocacy from the Netherlands wrote to me that she felt proud of me and my work.
Ganpati Festival: Every year I feel quite enthusiastic about Ganpati but this year thanks to my mental health I did not participate in rehearsals etc. However, on the day of the performance, I dragged myself to the pandal to watch my son act in a play. I really felt proud of him. He danced beautifully and also acted smartly.
In October, I wish to stay productive and happy. I have already made a list of things that I wish to achieve in October. I am bad in drawing yet I am thinking of taking part in #inktober2018. I guess it would improve my zentangle skills.
Linking this post to #MondayMusings hosted by dear Corinne.
Happy to join Vidya Sury and her Gratitude Circle