I went through a psychological low phase from June through August. In fact, August was the worst. My regular readers must have noticed that my posts were reflecting deep dark thoughts. Those who have ever suffered from obsessive-compulsive thoughts would know how difficult life gets when you are unable to control your own thoughts. I was trying hard to come out of the deep dark tunnel of negativity but spiraling back to it.
However, at the beginning of September, I made a promise to myself that I would try to be happy. The first thing that I did was eliminated all the triggers that were causing me discomfort. As I wrote in my previous post I eliminated all the people and other factors that were making me restless. I realized that social media was a huge trigger thus I uninstalled all social media apps from my mobile. I think this was the best thing that I did for myself in a very long time.
No Social Media: Staying away from social media gave me more time to do a lot of productive things. Few of the things that I did are as follows.
#20DayChallenge: To motivate myself I took up a self-designed 20-day challenge. I wrote 14 posts during the challenge and writing regularly obviously gave my blog’s traffic a boost.
Exercise and Yoga: In September, I made ‘myself’ a priority and started working on myself. In the months of depression, I had not taken care of myself and had put on weight. I started doing brisk walking along with yoga and already feeling quite light.
Redesigned my house: I made a few small changes to my home. I bought a few new lamps and fairy lights and decorated the altar. I feel happy when my home looks good.
Italian: I am learning Italian. Learning a new language is always fun and exciting. I had earlier learned Spanish and always wanted to learn Italian. Soon, I wish to write a post in Italian. 😛
Started Singing: I started singing after ages. I recorded quite a few songs using an app and am really happy about it. I also recorded a duet with my cousin. It felt great singing my heart out.
Movies: September was a month of movies. I watched a number of movies. Read my post on movie marathon to know about the movies that I watched.
Took an Exam: I took an exam after ages. I am a practicing Buddhist and I am glad that irrespective of my mental condition I was able to study and sit for the entry level exam. I answered all the answers and hope to get good grades. However, grades do not matter.
I am grateful for few people who helped me tide through difficult times.
My fellow Bloggers: I am blessed to have friends in the blogging world who understood my pain and helped and supported me. I would especially like to thank Anamika and Shilpa for being such amazing friends who stood by me and understood every bit of my pain. Esha is my sister from another mother and in my moment of crisis, she stood by me like a pillar of support. This crisis brought me closer to these amazing people.
My Therapist: I have been depressed before. I have been through a severe post-partum depression also, however, this time the nature of depression was different. This time I was not crying but obsessively thinking the same thing over and over in a loop. I tried every method possible to distract myself, however, those thoughts stubbornly stayed. Eventually, I decided to take help from a therapist. Thank God I went to her. She helped me deal with those thoughts in an extremely different way. She asked me to give shape and colors to those thoughts. I started drawing and it did help me immensely. She also asked me to write down my thoughts and just keep writing. I took the #20DayChallenge and wrote a lot in September. Once my thoughts were put to paper I started feeling better.
Work was Good: Even though emotionally I was down yet workwise I did some great job. Septemeber started with a convention and the speech that I delivered there was appreciated by patient advocates all over the world. It felt great when one of the pioneers of patient advocacy from the Netherlands wrote to me that she felt proud of me and my work.
Ganpati Festival: Every year I feel quite enthusiastic about Ganpati but this year thanks to my mental health I did not participate in rehearsals etc. However, on the day of the performance, I dragged myself to the pandal to watch my son act in a play. I really felt proud of him. He danced beautifully and also acted smartly.
In October, I wish to stay productive and happy. I have already made a list of things that I wish to achieve in October. I am bad in drawing yet I am thinking of taking part in #inktober2018. I guess it would improve my zentangle skills.
Linking this post to #MondayMusings hosted by dear Corinne.
Happy to join Vidya Sury and her Gratitude Circle
Trina Looks Back 
Sorry to hear that thinks haven’t been well. I am glad you sought help and you are doing things that you want to do. Never easy but keep at it.
Hugs and have a better month ahead.
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It’s important at times like this to take time for yourself and getting off social media can be a great break.
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Happy to see that you were able to overcome your bad time. Very thoughtful post. Wish you happy days ahead.
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That’s a long list of things you’ve done and that too in just a month, very commendable. More so when you weren’t much upto yourself. We all go through our bad times but when we are able to figure out how to deal with it nothing like it. I’ve had very dark days from January to August this year. I still lack the courage to write about it. Maybe someday I will. I didn’t know you sing, that’s wonderful. Learning Italian is so cool. And, I have limited my social media interactions a lot. I’m only regular at Instagram now where I follow and post only things I am passionate about.
Well, happy to know that you are out of that phase now 😊
Will look forward to the list of things you do in Oct.
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You are the second blogger complaining about the September blues. Well I’m glad that it’s behind you now and hope the coming months of festivity bring back your old enthusiasm and vigour. Cheer up Balaka. We all go through our ups and downs and now it is time for you to be up. Keep smiling.
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I admire your zeal to put yourself on a priority and recognise your needs – that is an amazing thing B and I hope you never lose sight of that. Glad to hear you are back to your regime and gaining strides in it.
Removing social media is one of the best things you did – I too eliminated quite a lot of it from my life as it was putting stess where none was needed.
I read some of your 14 posts and think you do a great job writing – so here is cheering you on for more and more posts.
Learning a new language is an awesome thing to do; I am looking forward to that post in Italian.
Wishing you an amazing October that will herald in new loves and blessings in your life!!!
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Hugs shalz for this lovely and positive comment. It meant a lot. We often forget to prioritise ourselves. But we should think about us.. because the only thing we have is ‘us’. Social media is a menace and it is better if you do not get addicted to it. I am also looking forward to my post in Italian 🤣😂🤣😂
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Great Balaka. When the going gets tough, tough gets going. You are a strong woman. And we all are here rooting for you. Keep rocking, gal!
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Thanks Priya..being strong often becomes a person’s Achilles heel. One day will write about it perhaps.
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Sounds like you’ve been through a lot ,Balaka.
Really proud how you are handling it, recognising what you are going through and tackling it one thing at a time.You will sail through it.
Kudos to your decision to stay away from Social Media, I am not sure I could ever do that.
Keep going!
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Social media always triggers stress and restlessness in me. It was great to stay away from the temptation. Thanks Mayuri for the support.
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You are amazing, Balaka. I love how you took the time and effort to heal yourself in so many ways. Hugs!
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Thanks dear Cory. I am not sure if i have healed but I surely tried.
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Oh I get that, Balaka. It’s an ongoing process for us all.
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Thank you for mentioning me in the post, however, the gratitude is mutual. I am not sure how would I have dealt with my own stuff if you were not there to hear and support. Writing 14 posts almost everyday, learning a new language, writing an exam, satisfactory work front, you really were able to pack quite a lot in your September despite the depression. Kudos to you.
In my case, the festival season gets me down every year and this year I am already grappling with my condition. The need to get out, mingle with people, showing off that one is having fun wears me out even when I am completely in sync with myself. It might be a case of high degree of introversion.
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The festive season gets me as well. Durga Puja is approaching and I am already dreading. I hate to get dressed up, go to the pandal with a fake smile on my face. I would just love to huddle with a book in the corner of my house but I know i do not have the luxury to do it. I deliberately kept myself busy in September that was my coping mechanism to come out of the blue phase. I am still haunted by those thoughts however they are far better than before. Hugs and love to you.
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Wow you sure have managed to do a great deal in the month of september. What a way to fight the blues… You are an inspiration in every way Balaka. I really need to cut down on my social media time. A sort of detox month is required for me too..
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Hugs Balaka! New things and small changes do bring in a lot of positivity. Doesn’t it? A simple change of furniture or adding new pictures or lamps brightens up our space quickly. Glad you were able to do that and feel the change.
I have always been a fan of languages and its so good to know you are learning one new. Learning a new language or a new thing does make some differences in us.
Now that we are past September, let me wish you to have a fabulous October with lots of good memories and grateful moments.
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What is it about August that had everyone feeling low! It’s wonderful that you can write about it. And I’m glad you sought medical help. A lot of people struggle without realising that professional help can really make a difference.
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Beautiful post on how we need to look after ourselves. Most importantly gratitude for people & things around you. I read your post on Bengali & Europe too. Mystically a thought crossed my mind about Buddhism. Wasn’t surprised to read you practice too. Let’s continue the human revolution
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