I have always found it easier to forgive others than hold on to a grudge. Being a Buddhist I am taught that forgiveness and compassion is a virtue that all of us should inculcate. Therefore, I have easily forgiven many those who wronged me and included them back in my life, however, over the years I realized that ‘forgiveness‘ is turning into an Achilles Heel for me. Many consider this virtue as my weakness and start manipulating my emotions.
There was a time when a simple word ‘sorry’ was enough to melt my heart. However, there are many who say sorry but never mean it. Therefore, it is important to understand if the person is saying sorry because he/she wants forgiveness from you or just to get his/her work done. Many would fall in the latter category who use ‘sorry‘ as a tool to manipulate and get their job done. With experience, I am now able to identify these people and honestly, I have stopped ‘forgiving’ them and that has actually made my life far better. However, that does not mean I keep nurturing grudges against them. I never let any negative feelings and always chant for these people to get a better sense.
Previously, I had a wrong notion of forgiveness and considered it as getting back to where it started, thus repeating the same pattern of wrong-doing again. Forgiving others and not holding on to grudges is good but after spending four decades in this world, my life lesson is that at times it is also good to move on. Well, forgive for the peace of your mind but also move on and do not allow that person back in your life, that eventually makes life stress-free.
When you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you. Forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees us from corrosive anger. Therefore forgive but do not repeat the same pattern and move on from the toxic situation or person. Never let forgiving others become your weak point rather turn it into your strength to let go of negativity.
‘I’m Writing Bravely for the Write Tribe Festival of Words – March 2019’