Six months into 2019 and I got my muse back, today. Six months ago my muse left me in a lurch. Actually, I was so self-obsessed and confident that I presumed I would do absolutely fine without the muse. However, after my muse left, I found myself in the middle of a creative desert. My ideas stopped brimming, my stories stopped weaving and a bad writer’s block befriended me. My blog turned into barren land and I was staring at it with helpless blank eyes. Strangely, I did not even feel any compulsion to revive it. Gradually, I stopped visiting other blogs also and went into a complete blogging hiatus.
Last month, my blogger friend thebespectacledmother woke me up from sleep (both real and metaphorical) and said that she was shocked to not find the name of my blog in the list of Top Indian Blogs 2019. However, I stayed snobbishly nonchalant. Nothing seemed to matter. I had almost reached Zen where not only my blog’s but even my existence didn’t matter. Who cares about blogs, Alexa, Instagram likes when life itself seems irrelevant.
This morning at around 4am my muse knocked at my window and said: “I keep updating myself on your writings but you seemed to have not written much”. I stared at my muse with pleading eyes and said: “I stopped writing because you left me; I thought I would manage fine but nothing worked and I turned into a slob”. I almost had tears in my eyes while my muse was grinning impishly, I almost fell on my knees and begged: “Please stay, please hang around, and please never ever leave me because, without you, my world turns gray.” Looking at my helpless condition my muse smiled and said: “Ok, I will hang around”. The moment these golden words were uttered I felt a pressing need to write down something and so I sat on my laptop and started writing this post.
Six months back, I had asked my muse to “back off” and like an obedient friend my muse backed off living me in a perpetual state of self-doubt. I tried to replace my creative muse with numerous other things. I stopped writing and started trying to become an “influenzaaa”, likes and comments started pouring in but something within me was feeling extremely hollow without the muse. I felt a part of me was detached.
Then today morning when my muse came back and I sat down to type, I realized how unhappy I have been in the last six months. What I have missed. How I had felt disconnected from my own soul. How I have not been able to pour out my emotions. The moment I wrote the first sentence a strange relief spread over my body and I got back to my old true self. I hope my muse never leaves me again, ever, and I keep writing the way I used to do. Writing is not only something that I love but it is something that completes me. Without my writing and my muse, I feel incomplete.
24 bloggers have got together to celebrate six months of 2019 from June 17-19. They will have to start the sentence with “Six months into 2019 and I” and then carry forward in their own unique ways, and share what the last six months meant to them. So don’t forget to read these posts and share some love.