After fourteen years of marriage, mushy romance got restricted to the honeymoon photos. These days we have replaced ‘I love you’ with ‘I told you’. For example, just a few days before the lockdown started the man had wanted to buy 20 kilos of rice which I summarily rejected. Now, when all grocery shops are shut in the neighborhood and the stock of rice is depleting in my pantry, he is repeating ‘I told you that we should buy more rice’ at the slightest opportunity. Most of our conversations are either beginning or ending with this line. I think I heard him blabbering this even in his sleep.
Well, hum bhi kisise kam nahi. I had asked him to take son to the barber the week before shutdown and he conveniently ignored. Now when my son (and son’s father) is almost turning into Rapunzel, I also have reason enough to repeat the ‘I told you’.
This lockdown is becoming the ‘agnipariksha’ for most marriages. The marriages that survive this lockdown should get some badge of honor from the government. Rest of the marriages will surely make the divorce lawyers sprint to their banks. In China and the USA the demand for divorce lawyers has actually increased. The newly married ones would be worst affected. We came to know the vices of our partners gradually over the years. So we digested the hard pill slowly but for the newly married ones they are getting to see the vices of a lifetime in 21 days. I doubt how many would actually be able to survive the shock.
However, I feel sorry for the young lovers. Most of them are not being able to meet each other. So they are using video calling to keep in touch. Those who were already in a long-distance romance are nonchalant as this lockdown has little or no impact on their relationship. Video calling unka roz ka haal hai.
Reports claim that dating apps are booming and many are finding solace in online dating. Dating apps like Hinge, Bumble and Tinder are seeing an increase in new users across the board, as more and more people hop aboard to escape the confines of their homes. Existing users, too, seem to be spending more time and effort in looking for a connection. Many users have also come up with lockdown specific pick-up lines like ‘Hey there, are you the vaccine? Because the whole world is chasing you.’ Funnily enough, Tinder’s top bios have also changed from the usual “wanderlust”- and “sapiosexual”-studded statements, to phrases like “stay home”, “be safe”, “social distancing”, “how are you”, and “wash your hands”.
In sharp contrast are the few users who don’t see the point of going online while isolating, no matter what part of the world they are in, since there aren’t high chances of it leading to a real date. And then there are apps like Quarantine Chat, which are enabling strangers all over the world to chat.
Online extramarital affairs are also on the rise. Many people are seeking online affairs to break the monotony of being in close proximity with the spouse all the time. But I wonder what about the ones who are involved in real-life adultery. How they are surviving without meeting the paramour. Imagine their pathos, they are away from their paramours and stuck with the spouses from whom they wanted to break free. Nothing can be worse than this.
Do you have any quarantine romantic story? For me the only romantic thing is that the other day the man did jhaadu pocha. When I saw him bending over the floor and mopping, my heart swelled with love and started singing “tujhe dekha to Jana sanam..pyaar hota hai BJP (bartan-jhaaru-pocha) sanam, ab yahan see kahan jaye hum? iss lockdown mein phas gaye hai hummmmm..”
Psst: I just hope my mother-in-law doesn’t read this post or else she will get a heart attack knowing how her ladla son is doing household chores.