When I feel like a confident and ‘situation-under-control’ Mom, I just need to read messages on one of the Mommy groups on Whatsapp. Immediately, my confidence shatters like a house of cards. There are precisely two places on Earth that can shatter my confidence as a woman. The first one is a beauty parlor and the second one is a Mommy group.
If you don’t believe me, then ask yourself, did anyone in a parlor said anything good about your hair or skin ever? I can bet. Never. They will always find your hair either too dry or too oily and suggest a hair spa. They will find your skin tanned, rough, oily, flaky, blah! Blah! and suggest a facial or bleach or some exotic cleansing ritual. And that is how they make their business survive.
Similarly, a mommy group will always find some fault in your mothering ( I don’t know, unlike a parlor, what vested interest they have). These moms have ideal kids and these mommies (apparently) never need to yell at their kids and yet their kids never refuse to eat a broccoli or finish their homework in time and never back answer. Each time I listen to these moms, I doubt my decision to have a kid. The concoction of these mommies and my mother-in-law is enough to make me feel like the worst mother on Earth.
Now, you must be wondering what is the connection of these mommies to Coronavirus. Let me get to the point. I usually stay away from these groups but due to the lockdown, I am forced to interact in a couple of these groups. Sonny boy is having online school and other classes. Therefore, to know his schedule, homework, assignments I have to interact here and trust me I am at my wits end.
I feel so inferior to these moms. They know every single detail about the child’s schedule. I am sure they maintain excel sheets about their kid’s schedule while I spend my free time watching DanTDM videos with son. Absolutely wasting time! These moms know about every single homework and every single assignment. Whereas I feel, isn’t my son grown enough to keep a track of his own assignments, why do I need to know?
These moms feed their kids ONLY healthy food that would activate their brain neurons while I am that lazy mom who is okay if the kid wants some Maggi. These moms are preparing their kids for Science Olympiad and IIT/IIM while my son says he would quit studies and become a Youtuber and I am kind of okay with it.
On a serious note, I am already exhausted with work from home and household chores. To add to my woes, my mobile phone died and now I cannot work the entire morning because the son uses the laptop to do his online school. The moment I check the Whatsapp messages, these groups are flooded with 200 messages. Scrolling through such a huge trail is difficult and 90% of the messages are just screenshots of homework and chapters and remaining 10% are the moms beating their own trumpet about how organized or perfect they are. Of course, there are also some clueless and clumsy like me who at times post some frantic SOS message.
I mean why do the moms need to share screenshots? when we were kids our moms raised us without mobile, Whatsapp, and screenshots and none of us turned gamblers or drug dealers. That proves our moms did it right even without gadgets. We wrote our homework in the school diary and kids of my son’s age are also capable of doing the same. Maybe a virtual diary. Why do Moms need to take screenshots of homework? Aren’t these making the kids too much dependant on the moms? Isn’t it time we teach them to take their own responsibility?
Then comes the judging part. The moms who are less involved (read less helicopter parents) they are termed irresponsible. There are moms who sit with the kid during their online classes and take notes. I could have never imagined my mom doing that for me. I think most of our moms were like that. Were they bad mothers? did they love us any less? I don’t think so.
I am honestly, tired of this ‘SuperMom” culture. Everybody has become a ‘parenting guru’. And these groups are flooded with all kinds of parenting mantras. I give up. I admit maybe I am a flawed mom, but that is how I am. I just want to be a ‘normal mom’ with all my imperfections and do not want to be a ‘flawless Supermom’. Please excuse me.
Trina Looks Back 
Beauty parlours do have their way of breaking our confidence! Rightly said. I hate it when they start their tirade of recommendations.
Wow, this is an area that I cannot relate. This culture is very worrying. We should teach children to be more independent, right? And also, how in the world do they get the time to be so involved in their children’s lives?
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Oh ya, they will always find a fault and come up with a solution. Often I got trapped and spend a lot of money on useless things.
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I used to, too. Now I just tell them that I have tried it and that doesn’t work. Then they stop giving recommendations.
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I hate beauty parlours. I am an extremely lazy woman for whom visiting a beauty parlour is an annoying business which means my whole exterior is always falling apart by the time I drag myself to their doorstep. Then the same things happen as you mentioned. I have secretly prayed to the universe to abolish beauty Parlours so that all women look alike with bushy eyebrows and limbs plus overgrown moustaches and beards or in other words like me. Do you see this lockdown is an answer to my prayers?
(Bhagwaan ne meri sun li.)
Next the helicopter mothers. With all honesty, I will confess I act like one on most days during the present times. I have to know each and every To Do which the teacher sets on the school learning site. I make schedules and closely monitor D’s activities. Therefore, I can tell you who are these helicopter moms. We are those who have nothing else to do for themselves in their lives except for their children. This might seem offensive to a few or many. I still do not claim to be a perfect mom since because of my lack of interest in cooking, I have served Yippee noodles for breakfast/lunch/dinner or ordered a pizza or swiggy delivery. I have never ever been a part of any WhatsApp mom groups but I am aware of the screenshots culture and mother’s solving their kids’ question papers with fellow moms. Itna to nahin ho payega mujh se kabhi. I think every mother must be having that one (or more) box(es) which misses a tick. My friend, you can take a chill pill 😊 You are raising a fairly independent kid which is clearly visible in your son’s cooking videos. He looks confident working around the gas and is already on the way of becoming a well-known YouTuber.
(Microblog ho gaya na yeh? Kya karun aadat se majboor hun.)
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Dear Anamika, so far I know you, I can vouch that you are not even close to the referred moms in this post. Staying informed about what is posted on the school website and literally doing the class with the child, or writing the homework for the child or doing his/her assignment is a completely different thing. So far I know you, I never saw you boasting about your parenting or giving ‘gyan’ to other moms on ‘how to raise a perfect kid’. These moms can make you feel like somebody who is illiterate, ignorant and indifferent about the child. The fact that you wrote I still do not claim to be a perfect mom since because of my lack of interest in cooking, I have served Yippee noodles for breakfast/lunch/dinner or ordered a pizza or swiggy delivery.” proves we are on the same page. D is still younger, my son is in high school and when we were in High school did our moms run behind us with our homework? For them it was only ‘homework kar liya apna?’ byas that much. Report card mein ulta pulta kuch aya to phir dekh lete the ghar aane ke baad. These moms go and fight with the teacher if their kids get less marks. One example: A mother wrote in the group “I think my son has done the sum right but the answer given in the book is wrong”. Can you see their attitude. My child can never be wrong, bhale hi book galat ho.
and about your ‘microblogging’..wapas aaja mere dost, come back to blogging. I miss you..itna baatein main kisse karoon tere bina? Please aaja
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Can’t agree more. This is the perfect time to teach our kids the skills we always wanted them to learn, independence being the most important one. Let them handle it for a few days and you will be surprised how quickly they learn to be responsible for themselves.
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Thankfully, my son is quite independent and apart from few things, I don’t need to interfere much. I agree with you that this is the time to teach them life skills.
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As a teacher, I have come across hundreds of students some of whom were left in hostels at very young age, some were from broken families, some with other issues from parents… My conclusion: there is no substitute for good parenting. Mothers play a great role in the shaping of the children’s psyche: attitudes, especially. Nowadays even governments are giving extended holidays to new mothers. Even paternity leaves are available now. That shows how important mothers are.
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I didn’t get your point. Could you elaborate on what should be consedered ‘good parenting’.
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As I was reading your post, the thought on my mind was that you’re the kind of mother we need. It is best to raise your child to be independent. But then, surely all mothers have their own means of parenting which they think is the best. I think there is no reason to compare and contrast the methods.
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You made my day. I don’t want to judge but at times the helicopter parenting is so suffocating. I wonder how those kids manage.
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Someone once told me that you cannot do justice to everything in life. So this super mom syndrome is surely affecting some other part of their life. You can’t focus on everything together. But that’s okay because we all prioritize and your priority doesn’t have to be perfect parenting. It should be happy parenting!
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Cant agree you more Balaka. I pity all those SuperMoms or the parents engaged in the helicopter parenting. Wonder what crippled future they are creating for their children.
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So true. We are supposed to prepare the kids for the road not the road for the kids.
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Aaah! my sob story as well. Sometimes all the moms around me online and offline seem so perfect that whenever I have a meltdown with my kids I feel like being the worst mom ever and want to just shut my shop as a parenting lifestyle blogger. I mean what is it with being perfect around in their. I want to be human and normal. Shouting on kids normal, a spank on the back normal and binge eat once a week normal along with screen time everyday for an hour or more normal.
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I would have actually hugged you and cried on your shoulder if you said this offline, face to face. I can so relate to your thoughts.
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Whatsapp is a curse I feel. At prep 1,the situation is no different in my school moms WA grp.
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I agree with every word you say. Thankfully whatapp mommying came into existence after my kids grew out of school! So I escaped this kind of totrure. But I have seen parents who’d copy out homework take all assignments and all. I never did. In fact, I never once set their bags too. If they didn’t take any book, then, sometimes I’d take it, and sometimes leave them to the consequences. They have grown up fine. So don’t worry. Sonny will be ok.
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That is so assuring. I also stopped setting his bag, and now want to stop doing the rest also. I want to be there only to help him when he is stuck. I cannot keep spoon feeding him for everything.
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Beautifully explained …so true..
Everyone is out to prove his / her worth on social media…reality normally differs…let ppl live…let the kids lead a normal life..
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Thank you. I am glad we agree on this.
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