In my previous post, I wrote about how I want to heal in 2022. Healing wouldn’t happen overnight. It is a process that is going to take time. The roadmap of the healing journey is slightly complicated. It is going to be a journey within. In this journey, I have to be introspective and look within myself. I need to look at my habits, thoughts, mannerisms, and idiosyncrasies. Once I identify the problem areas, I need to improve myself. At the end of the healing journey, I wish to become a better person. I would want to become more compassionate, tolerant, and spiritual. As discussed in the previous post, healing starts with accepting, forgiving, and thanking. I may add here the words “improving” and “rectifying” also. To heal, the first thing that I need to do is get rid of my bad habits. We all have bad habits but most of us live in denial. Self-care starts when we accept those bad habits, forgive ourselves for those habits and then discard them. Once we “declutter” our minds from these bad habits, we get closer to our healing goals. Emotional healing starts with mindfulness. Here are the bad habits that I want to get rid of.
Judging Others: Let me confess, I do judge others. I judge a person for their political orientation, cultural inclination, intellectual abilities, bad grammar, book choices, movie choices, clothes, etc. The list is long. I am no saint. For example, if I find someone watching saas-bahu serials, or reading and enjoying a Chetan Bhagat novel, I judge. However, in 2022, I would like to be less judgemental. I need to get down from the high horse and not judge others for their life choices. Who am I to judge? It is their life their choices. Let them enjoy whatever floats their boat. I should respect the choice of another person even if it differs from mine.
Gossiping: Most people gossip. Unless you have become a saint in the Himalayas, it is unlikely that you can avoid gossips. We gossip about our friends, family members, colleagues, neighbors, and celebrities. There are two types of gossiping, one is where you share problems/information with your friends and listen to theirs. The other is spreading rumors. The latter is harmful and I have never consciously indulged in it. Gossiping has certain benefits, especially it helps you bond with others, generates empathy, keeps anxiety at bay, and also helps in problem-solving. Gossips can be harmless, however, there is a thin line between gossiping and bitching. Often when you are indulging in gossiping, a herd mentality comes into action, and we end up being unnecessarily over-critical. This year, I would try to be more mindful and avoid unnecessary discussions about another person.
Listen more, Talk less: Everyone wants to talk, everyone wants attention, everyone wants likes on social media. In this age of “talkers”, there are very few listeners. Nobody has the time or patience to listen these days. Therefore, this year, I would like to listen more, understand more and learn more from my friends (both online and offline).
Observe more: Observing is an act of mindfulness. Simply observing is so therapeutic. Apart from observing nature, we can also observe people and situations around us. Careful observation can help us see things in a nuanced manner. Often we jump to conclusions without observing properly a situation or person. Observing carefully can help us see through things. This year, in a particularly critical situation, I decided to give myself some time and simply observe. I did nothing but kept observing and gradually a lot of the things became clear. When we are busy taking action we often miss out on the finer details. Observation can help us assess the situation more accurately.
Stop Comparing: We all consciously or unconsciously compare our lives with others. Thanks to social media, there is no escaping from comparing because some people will literally point out to you. I am yet to become a Buddha, therefore, there are days when I fall into the trap and start comparing. I have compared even silly things like they have a better window curtain than mine. All of us are guilty of this. However, this year, I would consciously refrain from comparing my life with that of others. I am grateful for what I have, even if it is not as beautiful as theirs.
Become a giver: We are always busy taking something from nature, society, or relationships. However, to grow as a person it is important to become a giver. I should try to give back more than I take. I will try to give back to nature by nurturing a garden, making compost, and reducing plastic waste. I will try to give back to society by volunteering for social services. I will give more time and effort to my relationships.
These are my goals for the year 2022. What are your goals? If you are struggling with achieving your goals then do read my post on push goals and pull goals where I have discussed how to make achievable resolutions. That post helped many to fulfill their goals. So read it before writing down your resolution for 2022.
Trina Looks Back 
I need to work on all of these! Great message!
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It is difficult but if you can do it, you become a better human being
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The bad habits you have identified are so common in most people. We all, other than mat be the judges sitting in courts, are all so good in making judgements 😀🤣🤣.
Have a great year ahead Balaka 🙏🌹🙏
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They are so ingrained that it is difficult to change
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Love these resolutions, so positive! I’m guilty of those negative habits from time to time, but your post highlights how harmful they can be for me and others.
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Thank you…we all are guilty of these…l am trying to do better
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I know I too can work on getting rid of all of these habits! Let’s keep each other honest, shall we?
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We all judge; if someone says they don’t, I’m willing to bet money they’re lying. If nothing else, they are judging others for judging. From the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5–7, Jesus supposedly says: “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged.” So – if you’re going to judge, judge fairly and expect to be judged by the same yardstick. It goes right along with the “Golden Rule” of treating others as we would wish to be treated. To be indiscriminate is to not know right from wrong. But maybe we should all avoid petty judgements where the other person’s appearance, indulgences, and actions do no harm to others.
Yes, we all gossip. I usually listen to the rumors, but I don’t share them. I don’t know that it’s out of any sort of moral superiority; I went to law school. I understand libel law. 😉 In all seriousness, negative gossip about others isn’t a favorite pastime of mine, and I won’t even vent about some interaction with someone if I haven’t – or wouldn’t – say exactly the same things to their face. (Hilariously, in hindsight, the one time I went to do that, I accidentally cc’d the person on the email. I say “hilariously, in hindsight,” because what I had said, while undiplomatically worded, was true – and their response wasn’t anger, but hurt that I hadn’t said it to them more directly in the first place. I’d been too diplomatic in discussing the problem, and they had not seen how it was impacting everyone they dealt with. It was a good lesson for me. We remained on good terms.) I rarely hold a grudge, but there are one or two exceptions. One of those exceptions was good friends with a very good friend of mine. I don’t play that, “You can’t be friends with me if you’re friends with them!” game, but I have to trust you. I told my friend, whom I knew to be a vivacious and enthusiastic gossip, “They and I are DEAD to each other – if I hear you’ve gossiped about me with them, good news, bad news, or idle gossip – then you and I cannot remain friends.” To the best of my knowledge, my friend never broke my trust.
Observing and listening go hand in hand. We all need to work on this more diligently.
Comparing ourselves and our lives to others steals our joy – it leads to envy or guilt. It leads to smugness or dissatisfaction. It’s just ugly. It’s one thing to see positive traits in others and be inspired to emulate them – I suppose that’s a sort of comparison; it’s quite different to envy their possessions or their lifestyles. Or to be discouraged by judging ourselves as inferior to them, and be uninspired before even giving ourselves a chance to grow.
How easy it is, sometimes, to forget that it really is “better to give than to receive.” There is something deeply satisfying about it, especially about doing it in secret. But there’s a little dilemma – giving in secret is the best sort of giving, yet giving NOT in secret may inspire others to give, too. Find a healthy balance. I don’t usually like to mention donating money. But volunteering, actively giving back? I think it gives others ideas. They may not be inspired to do the SAME things, but it may spark something they can apply within their own community. And I haven’t done enough of the latter in the past couple of years.
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Thank you Holly for this beautiful, insightful and anecdotal comment. It was a pleasure reading this beautiful comment.
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Thank you, Balaka. It was long overdue. 🙂
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